It's odd when things that are supposed to be in the past, specifically old memories and feelings, return so strongly it feels like no time at all has gone by.

I am feeling a resurgence of many things lately, including the procratination and accompanying panic of school assignments, and the self doubt of how to express myself through design. Art is subjective, but there is still evaluation and grading according to criteria. I spent alot of time this evening thinking "this is total crap" as I twisted wire and wove strips of fabric, and I'm counting on my perpetual ability to pull things out of my ass on short notice to come through for me as I finish up tomorrow night.

What the hell are my relevant technical skills? Yes, I can sew, and talk art shit, but otherwise I know a little about a lot of things. How do I decide which is really relevant? I spent most of this evening wrapping aluminum wire together - can I convince myself that this is fiber arts? I know I can make other people see it, but I sell points of view all the time that I'm not fully with.


Perhaps the hardest thing to deal with right now is trying to get over someone I was supposed to have gotten over years ago. It's a little stunning to feel a little ache grow into a greater one, and know that the only solution is distraction. Dating is too dull right now, probably more because I don't have much to offer right now than because of the dates I've been on - developing chemistry is such a struggle and it really shouldn't be, right? Looking forward to Portland - new life, good friends, better health - and a fresh pool of dating material.